篇一：英语演讲稿带翻译笑话
we are the world ,we are the future
someone said “we are reading the first verse of the first chapter of a book, whose pages are infinite”. i don’t know who wrote these words, but i’ve always liked them as a reminder that the future can be anything we want it to be. we are all in the position of the farmers. if we plant a good seed ,we reap a good harvest. if we plant nothing at all, we harvest nothing at all.
we are young. “how to spend the youth?” it is a meaningful question. to answer it, first i have to ask “what do you understand by the word youth?” youth is not a time of life, it’s a state of mind. it’s not a matter of rosy cheeks, red lips or supple knees. it’s the matter of the will. it’s the freshness of the deep spring of life.
a poet said “to see a world in a grain of sand, and a heaven in a wild flower, hold infinity in the palm of your hand, and eternity in an hour. several days ago, i had a chance to listen to a lecture. i learnt a lot there. i’d like to share it with all of you. let’s show our right palms. we can see three lines that show how our love.career and life is. i have a short line of life. what about yours? i wondered whether we could see our future in this way. well, let’s make a fist. where is our future? where is our love, career, and life? tell me.yeah, it is in our hands. it is held in ourselves.
we all want the future to be better than the past. but the future can go better itself. don’t cry because it is over, smile because it happened. from the past, we’ve learnt that the life is tough, but we are tougher. we’ve learnt that
we can’t choose how we feel, but we can choose what about it. failure doesn’t mean you don’t have it, it does mean you should do it in a different way. failure doesn’t mean you should give up, it does mean you must try harder. as what i said at the beginning, “we are reading the first verse of the first chapter of a book, whose pages are infinite”. the past has gone. nothing we do will change it. but the future is in front of us. believe that what we give to the world, the world will give to us. and from today on, let’s be the owners of ourselves, and speak out “we are the world, we are the future.”
世界是我们的，未来是我们的
一些人说“我们正在读一本无穷的书中的第一章的第一节。”我不知道谁写了这些话，但是我一直很喜欢它，因为它提醒了我，我们能够创造我们想要的未来。 我们都是农夫。如果我们播下好的种子，我们将会丰收。如果我们的种子很差，有很多草籽，收割的将是无用的庄稼。如果我们什么也不播种，什么收获也没有。
我们是年轻的。“怎样度过青春？”这是个有意义的问题。为了去回答它，我首先要问“从?青春?这个词中你能理解到什么？” 青春不是人生的一个时期，而是精神的一种状态。青春不是桃面、丹唇、柔膝，而是深沉的意志，。青春是生命的深泉在涌流.
一位诗人说“从一粒沙看世界，从一朵花看天堂，把无限放在你的手掌，永恒在一刹那里收藏”。几天前，我有了一个听讲座的机会，从中我学到了很多东西。现在，我想把这些与大家共享。让我们伸出右手，我们可以看到手掌中的展示我们的爱，事业和生活的三条线。我在生活方面这条线很短，那你们的呢？我想知道我们是否可以用这种办法去看我们的未来。好的，让我们一起握拳。我们的未
来在哪儿？我们的爱、事业和生活在哪儿？告诉我！是的，它们就在我们的手中。它们
被我们自己掌握着。
我们所有人都希望未来能比过去更美好，但是未来能自己变得更好。不要因为结束而哭泣，微笑吧，为你的曾经拥有。从过去来看，生活是艰苦的，但我们是更坚强。我们知道我们不能选择感觉，但是我们能选择和它相关的东西。失败并不意味着你不拥有成功，它只意味着你应该用另一种方式去做这件事。失败并不意味着你应该放弃，只意味着你应该更加努力。
正如我在前面所说的“我们正在读一本无穷的书中的第一章的第一节。”过去的已经过去，无论我们无力改变，但是未来却在我们前方。相信“我们给了世界什么，世界也将给我们”。并且从今天起，让我们一起做我们自己的主人，一起大声说出“世界是我们的，未来是我们的。”篇二：中英文幽默演讲
幽默演讲——调侃自己（中英对照）
）
演讲者如何调侃自己
创新句子：你们或者睡觉，或者不睡，只要不打呼噜，我就接着讲。
幽默注释：演讲者讲得太糟糕了，组织者哭得很伤心。
演讲结束时，宴会主人感谢你从繁忙的日程中抽出时间来——你泰然自若，优雅地点头微笑着，心里非常清楚你日历上唯一的事情就是就早餐后喝点咖啡。
poise is when you finish your speech and the toastmaster thanks you for taking time out of your busy schedule to be a part of their program --- and you nod and smile graciously knowing full well that the only thing on your calendar is a little coffee from breakfast.
幽默注释：一些老干部退休后没什么事干，有人请他参加一些活动，他还假装很忙，好象推开了很多事才赶去似的。
过去我演讲时常常会比较紧张，但那时我看到一条信息说如果你想象所有的观众都是裸体会有所帮助。此时此刻，我站在这里想象着观众都是裸体，真的起作用，我不再紧张了，但眼睛有些疲劳。
i used to get nervous when giving a speech but then i read that it helps to think of the entire audience as being naked. and so, at this very moment, i’m
standing up here imagining every one in this audience as being naked. and it really works. i no suffer from nervousness. eyestrain. yes.
幽默注释：把观众想象成裸体，意思是我不怕你们，就不紧张了。
创新句子：大部分人站在讲台上都会有点儿紧张，我属于少部分人，我非常紧张。 我本人不自负——我简直不能告诉你们我是多么钦佩我这一点。 personally, i have never been conceited --- and i can’t tell you how much i admire myself for that.幽默句子：他因为自己不自负，所以变得非常骄傲。
创新句子：我一点儿都不自负，我希望别人也这么看我。
我先用简单明了的英语演讲，以后我再翻译给律师听。
let me put this into plain english. i’ll translate it for the lawyers later. 幽默注释：律师总喜欢用复杂的语言，简单的话都听不懂了。
创新句子：我的讲话有三个版本，小学生版本，中学生版本，大学生版本，你是听小学一年纪版的，还是小学二年纪版的？
如果你听过这个故事，请不要打断我，我就知道这一个故事。
if you’ve already heard this story, please don’t stop me because it’s the only one i know.
幽默注释：就是你知道两个故事，讲故事前也可以这么说。
创新句子：我讲个笑话，如果你们听过，也希望装做没听过，我也这样照顾你们。演讲就象给草坪浇水，如果有四分之一的水渗下去你就满意了。
making a speech is like watering a lawn. you’re satisfied if just a quarter of it sinks in.
幽默注释：有人打呼噜，有人说话，都是正常的，有四分之一观众听就不错了。 幽默句子：即兴演讲的开场白。
创新句子：我不知道你们会不会喜欢我的演讲，我不知道我要讲点儿什么。
开始前我想告诉你们下面的演讲已经编辑成了电视节目，我现在少讲20分钟，我们能够及时赶回家看2台的节目。
before i begin, i want you to know that the following speech has been edited for television. i cut 20 minutes out of it so we could all get home in time for the game on channel 2.
幽默注释：放着现场不看，偏要回家在电视上看。
可能你们有些人知道我今晚出现在这里有两个原因：第一个原因是你们的计划委员会一直在设法寻找一个聪明、有趣、老练的演讲者，——他们找到了。第二个原因是那个人病了，所以就打电话把我找来了。
幽默注释：一开始好象在说自己很牛，其实就是个临时替场。
创新句子：我认为我演讲很风趣，可为什么没人笑呢？
有人有舞台恐惧症，我没有；舞台不会怎么样我，是观众快把我吓死了！ some people suffer from stage fright. i don’t. the stage doesn’t bother me at all. it’s the audience that scares the hell out of me!
幽默注释：stage fright舞台恐惧症，而不是舞台吓唬我。
我们每个人都希望能在某一时刻把时钟拨回去。如果我能够把时钟拨回去 at one time or another, i think each of us has wished we could turn back the clock. i know if i could turn back the clock just 45 minutes, i’d be the happiest person in this room. because that’s when i left my speech on the kitchen table. 幽默注释：自己上台前还在刻苦练习，演讲稿落家里了，讲错了希望观众包涵。
我不想吹牛，但上次我演讲时所有的观众都站了起来，他们再也没有坐下，直到走到他们的汽车那儿。
i don’t want to brag, but the last time i did this it brought the audience to its feet. and they never sat down again until they reached their cars.幽默注释：观众听他演讲，都站起来走了，他还在吹牛呢。
创新句子：我演讲时用一种平缓的语速娓娓道来，观众睡得很香甜。
如果我有点儿犹豫，你们一定要原谅我，这是我第一次饭后演讲——在卖当劳里冲我的小孩儿喊叫除外。
if i’m a little hesitant, you’ll have to excuse me. this is the first after-dinner speech i’ve ever made ---except for yelling at my kids in mcdonald’s. 幽默注释：自嘲自己演讲没什么经验。
创新句子：你可能知道我已经养成了饭后演讲的习惯。
我不习惯面对这么多观众演讲，让我鼓起勇气的一件事情就是我在谈论我最喜欢的题目——我。
i’m not used to speaking to such a large audience. the one thing that gives me courage is that i’m speaking on my favorite subject --- me.
幽默注释：电视上老是邀请一些名人在那儿大谈自己，这些人开场可以这么说。
篇二：初中励志又幽默的英文演讲稿
我写的搞笑的英文演讲稿
once god came up two me & granted me a dream to be realize. i asked 4 world
peace. that’s impossible, he said.有一次上帝来到我面前答应了实现我一个梦想。我说我要世界和平。“那是不可能的”他
说。
then i asked him to give you brains. he said, let me try world peace. 然后我请让你变聪明。他说：“你还是让我试试让世界和平吧。”篇二：中学生励志英语
演讲稿
honorable judges and dear friends, my name is maer dongyan, i’m very happy today
to stand here to share my speech, my imagination, and my story as an air traffic
controller with all of you. i, as a 35-year-old air traffic controller, have been
working on the tower for nearly ten years. however, it has been really hard to coordinate my work and my family. it’s generally considered great to be an air traffic controller by the public,
for the job is believed to be well-paid and quite easy. i was also one of them before
i started the work. but things have been entirely different from what i used to think.
as an air traffic controller of the new century, we’re facing tasks and barriers
greater and harder than ever, that is, we have to ensure the safety and order of the
fast-developing civil aviation. we’re burdened with pressure, responsibilities, the
trust of hundreds of pilots, the lives of tens of thousands of passengers, and the
hopes of millions of families. every step we take, every word we say is connected
to the safety of passengers. and disasters may occur if we’re even a little bit
careless. then, how can that be easy? daughter once said that it was her happiest time to see me back from work. and
it’s the same with me. i’m pleased and grateful to see that my family can support
and understand my work and my little devotion to them. such is my job, though i cannot enjoy much of the happiness my family brings to
me, i can
experience the sense of responsibility through my work. i’ll never regret this,
regret choosing my job. it is through these years that i know what responsibility
and devotion really mean. and it is through these years that i realize what family
really means to me---supporting and understanding. i really appreciate them. that’s all for my speech today, thank you very much for your listening.篇三：
初中3分钟励志英语演讲稿 初中3分钟励志英语演讲稿you will no longer fear making new sounds, showing new facial expressions, using
your body in new ways,approaching new people, and asking new questions. you will live
every single day of your life with absolute passion, and you will show your passion
through the words you speak and the actions you take. you will focus all your time
and effort on the most important goals of your life. you will never succumb to
challenges of hardships. you will never waver in your pursuit of excellence. after
all,you are the best, and you deserve the best!as your coach and friend, i can assure you the door to all the best things in
the world will open to you, but the key to that door is in your hand. you must do
your part, you must faithfully follow now stand firm and tall, make a fist, get excited, and yell it out: i must do
it! i can do it! i will do it! i will succeed! i must do it! i can do it! i will do
it! i will succeed! i must do it! i can do it! i will do it! i will succeed!篇四：
2014初中英语励志演讲稿 2014初中英语励志演讲稿
演讲稿一：初中英语励志演讲稿——attitudethe longer i live, the more i realize the impact of attitude on life. attitude
to me is more important than facts.the remarkable thing is we have a choice every day, regarding the attitude we
will embrace for that day.we cannot change our past.we cannot change the fact that people will act in a
certain way.we cannot change the inevitable.the only thing we can do is play on the one stage we have.and that is our attitudes.
i am convinced that life is ten percent what happens to me ,and ninety percent how
i react to it.and so it is with you. we are in charge of our attitudes.演讲稿二：初中英语励志演讲稿hello, ladies and gentlemen. im angela zhang from class 4 grade 8. today, my topic
is, the shanghai world expo.on december3, 2002, the bureau of international expositions (or call it bie)
announced that shanghai will host expo. the bie had received bids from five cities
to host expo. among the 5 nice cities, the bie chose shanghai at last! its really
an exciting news for not only shanghainese, but also all of chinese people. here are
some details about it.
look at this profile carefully. the title is the world exposition ,shanghai,
china . this is the logo.and the theme is better city., better life.ok, lets guess who is the image
representative? yeah, youre right, yao ming!演讲稿三：初中英语励志演讲稿dear teacher and classmates:i am very glad to make a speech here in this class again! this time, i\d like
to talk something about english.when i was seven, my mother sent me to an english school. at there, i played games
and sang english songs with other children . then i discovered the beauty of the
language, and began my colorful dream in the english world.everyday, i read english following the tapes. sometimes, i watch english
cartoons.
on the weekend, i often go to the english corner. by talking with different people
there, i have made more and more friends as well as improved my oral english. i hope
i can travel around the world someday. i want to go to america to visit washington
monument, because the president washington is my idol. of course, i want to go to
london too, because england is where english language developed. if i can ride my
bike in cambridge university, i will be very happy.
i hope i can speak english with everyone in the world. i\ll introduce china to
them, such as the great wall, the forbidden city and anshan. i know, rome was not built in a day. i believe that after continuous hard study,
one day i can speak english very well.if you want to be loved, you should learn to love and be lovable. so i believe
as i love english everyday , it will love me too. 演讲稿四：初中英语励志演讲稿——believe ourselvesconfidence,which is not only the faith in your abilities, but also the faith of
pursuit of firm target in yourself, is the first secret of success. with it, you can
go toward the shore of victory. when at a low ebb of the chinese revolution, mao zedong
believed that a single spark can start a prairie fire. chenyi believed repeated action
can not take off he was confident. in short,self-confidence refers to the navigation towards victory, as is the driving force
of progress.
achievements, but it was just a flash in the pan. xiang yu in the struggle playedthere is a poem written by langston hughes hold fast to dreams, for if dreams die,
life is a broken-winged bird. that can never fly.
hold fast to dreams, for if dreams go, life is a barren field,frozen with snow. how beautiful it is. yes, we shouldn’t give up our dreams.
we shouldn’t give in to the large pressure on the way to realize our dreams.how shall we do? robert h. goddard gave us the answer, “it is difficult to say
which is impossible, for the dream of yesterday is the hope of today and reality of
tomorrow” youth is not a time of life，it is a state of mind; it is not a matter ofrosy cheeks, red lips and supple knees， it is a matter of the will, aquality of the imagination, a vigor of the emotions.it is the freshness of the
deep springs of life.
youth means a tempera-mental predominance of courage over timidity, of the
appetite for adventure over the love of ease. this often exists in a man of 60 more
than a boy of 20. nobody grows old merely by a number of years. we grow old by deserting our ideals. years may wrinkle the skin, but to give up enthusiasm wrinkles the soul. worry,
fear, self-distrust bows the heart and turns the spring back to dust. whether 60 or
16, there is in every human being’s heart the lure of wonder, the unfailing childlike
appetite of what’s next and the joy of the game of living. in the center of your
heart and my heart there is a wirelessstation: so long as it receives messages of beauty, hope, cheer, courage and power
from men and from the infinite, you and i will remain young. when the aerials are down, and your spirit is covered with snows of cynicism and
the ice of pessimism, then you are grown old, even at 20, but as long as your aerials
are upto catch waves of optimism, there is hope you may have young heart at 80.
青春不是生命的一瞬，它是一种自然的心境；青春不是如花的脸庞、鲜红的嘴唇和健康
柔润 的双腿，它是一
种意志、想象、精力，更是生命中那生机勃勃的春天。 青春是冲动的勇敢而不是懦弱,青春是挑战的欲望而不是安逸的生活。即使年过花甲,仍
壮心不已.没有人痴长
百岁,而伴随着的是我们抛却幻想,锤炼生活的经历。岁月让我们的皮肤起了皱纹,但缺乏激情会让我们的灵魂萎缩。焦虑、恐惧、缺乏自信则
让心稽首，更让心灵
的青春尘封
无论60岁还是16岁，我们每个人都有着天生的好奇心、孩子般刨根追底不厌其烦的渴
求欲望、幻想游戏人生
的生活方式。在你我心中有着心灵的默契：只要我们的心还能从人们的身上和大自然的
怀抱中感受到美丽、
希望、快乐、勇气和力量，那么我们依旧年轻无限。当幻想破灭，而你愤世嫉俗，对生活充满悲观情绪，那么你已经老了。即使在20岁的时
候，只要你积极乐观的追求你心中的幻想，一直到永远，那么你在80岁的时候仍有一颗永保
青春的心。
篇三：幽默的英语演讲稿
英语演讲幽默开场白
作为一个演讲者，我从观众那只得到过两种抱怨：一种是我讲话声音太大了，他们无法
入睡；第二种是我讲得时间太长了，他们无法一直清醒。作为一个讲演者，他的演讲总拿来和林肯的哥得堡演讲[一个著名的演讲]相比较。当他
演讲结束时，也有悲伤、眼泪和悲痛——特别是计划委员会。 幽默注释：演讲者讲得太糟糕了，组织者哭得很伤心。 演讲结束时，宴会主人感谢你从繁忙的日程中抽出时间来——你泰然自若，优雅地点头
微笑着，心里非常清楚你日历上唯一的事情就是就早餐后喝点咖啡poise is when you
finish your speech and the toastmaster thanks you for taking time out of your busy
schedule to be a part of their program --- and you nod and smile graciously knowing
full well that the only thing on your calendar is a little coffee from breakfast.幽默注释：一些老干部退休后没什么事干，有人请他参加一些活动，他还假装很忙，好
象推开了很多事才赶去似的。过去我演讲时常常会比较紧张，但那时我看到一条信息说如果你想象所有的观众都是裸
体会有所帮助。此时此刻，我站在这里想象着观众都是裸体，真的起作用，我不再紧张了，
但眼睛有些疲劳。
i used to get nervous when giving a speech but then i read that it helps to think
of the entire audience as being naked. and so, at this very moment, i’m standing
up here imagining every one in this audience as being naked. and it really works.
i no suffer from nervousness. eyestrain. yes幽默注释：把观众想象成裸体，意思是我不怕你们，就不紧张了。创新句子：大部分人站在讲台上都会有点儿紧张，我属于少部分人，我非常 紧张。
我本人不自负——我简直不能告诉你们我是多么钦佩我这一点。 personally, i have never been conceited --- and i can’t tell you how much i admire
myself for that.
幽默句子：他因为自己不自负，所以变得非常骄傲。创新句子：我一点儿都不自负，我希望别人也这么看我.我先用简单明了的英语演讲，以后我再翻译给律师听。 let me put this into plain english. i’ll translate it for the lawyers later.
幽默注释：律师总喜欢用复杂的语言，简单的话都听不懂了。 创新句子：我的讲话有三个版本，小学生版本，中学生版本，大学生版本，你是听小学
一年纪版的，还是小学二年纪版的？如果你听过这个故事，请不要打断我，我就知道这一个故事。 if you’ve already heard this story, please don’t stop me because it’s the only
one i know.
幽默注释：就是你知道两个故事，讲故事前也可以这么说。创新句子：我讲个笑话，如果你们听过，也希望装做没听过，我也这样照顾你们。 演讲就象给草坪浇水，如果有四分之一的水渗下去你就满意了。 making a speech is like watering a lawn. you’re satisfied if just a quarter of
it sinks in.
幽默注释：有人打呼噜，有人说话，都是正常的，有四分之一观众听就不错了。幽默句子：即兴演讲的开场白。创新句子：我不知道你们会不会喜欢我的演讲，我不知道我要讲点儿什么开始前我想
告诉你们下面的演讲已经编辑成了电视节目，我现在少讲20分钟，我们能够及时赶回家看2
台的节目。
before i begin, i want you to know that the following speech has been edited fortelevision. i cut 20 minutes out of it so we could all get home in time for the
game on channel 2. 幽默注释：放着现场不看，偏要回家在电视上看。 可能你们有些人知道我今晚出现在这里有两个原因：第一个原因是你们的计划委员会一
直在设法寻找一个聪明、有趣、老练的演讲者，——他们找到了。第二个原因是那个人病了，
所以就打电话把我找来了。 幽默注释：一开始好象在说自己很牛，其实就是个临时替场。 创新句子：我认为我演讲很风趣，可为什么没人笑呢？篇二：幽默英语演讲稿 幽默英语演讲稿
love your mother
爱你的母亲
why are you crying, a young boy asked his mom?你为什么哭?一个小男孩问他的妈妈. because im a woman, she told him. 因为我是女人,她告诉他.
i dont understand, he said.我不明白.他回答
his mom just hugged him and said, and you never will, but thats o.k........ 妈妈拥抱了他说,你永远也不会明白,但没关系...later the little boy asked his father, why does mom seem to cry for no reason?.后来小男孩问他的父亲妈妈为什么似乎在无缘无故的哭泣? all women cry for no reason, was all his dad could say......所有的女人都会
常常没有原因地哭泣,这是他的父亲唯一可以解释的...the little boy grew up and
became a man,
still wondering why women cry. 等到小男孩长大,成了男人的时候, 他仍然奇怪妈妈为什么哭.finally he put in a call to god and when god got back to him, he asked god, why
do women cry so easily?
最后他把这件事祷告给上帝,他问上帝,为什么女人容易哭泣?god answered...... 上帝回答:
when i made woman,
i decided she had to be special. i made her shouldersstrong enough to carry
the weight of the world, yet, 当我创造女人的时候,我决定把她造的很特别,
我让她的双肩强壮的足以能够承担整个世界,但是,
却让她的双臂温柔的足够去安慰他人... i gave her the inner strength to endure childbirth and the rejection
even from her own children.我给她内在的力量去忍受生产的剧痛, 也让她有勇气承受无数的伤害,甚至这些伤害有时会来自于自己的孩子...i gave her a hardnessthat allows her
to keep going and take careof her family and friends,even when everyone else gives up, through sickness and fatigue without我给她顽强,让她能够不断地前进, 并且照顾自己的家人和朋友,甚至当每个人都放弃的时候,她却能够坚强地在疾病和劳累之时毫无怨言... i gave her the sensitivity to love her children under any and all circumstances.
even when her child has hurt her badly.... she has the very special power to make a childs boo-boo feel better and to quell
a teenagers anxieties and fears....我给她内心的敏感,让她在任何环境下都深爱着自己的孩子.甚至在他们深深伤害她的时
候．．．
她用那特别的力量，让年幼孩子的在受伤的时候感到安慰，也能够让年轻的子女消除紧
张与恐惧．．．
i gave her strength to care for her husband, despite faultsand i fashioned
her from his rib to protect his heart....我给她力量关心她的丈夫，尽管他会犯错．我用男人的肋骨创造了女人，使女人可以保
护男人的心脏．．．
i gave her wisdom to know that a good husband never hurts his wife, but sometimes
tests her strengths and her resolve to stand beside him unfalteringly.... 我给她智慧，让她知道一个好丈夫永远不会伤害他的妻子，但有时候会试炼她坚定的永
远跟随自己丈夫的能力与决心．for all of this hard work,i also gave her a tear to shed.it is hers to use
whenever needed and
it is her only weakness....when you see her cry, tell her how much you love her, and all she does for everyone, and even thoughshe may still cry, you will have made her heart feel good.因为这些种种的困
难，
我也同样赐她流下眼泪，
这是当她在需要时可以使用的，
这是她唯一的软弱之处．．．当你看到她哭泣的时候，告诉她你有多么地爱她，
告诉她她为所有人所做的一切，即使这样她可能还是会哭泣，但你会使她的心里得到安慰．she is special!
please send this to women you know, and those with mothers,sisters, and special
women in their lives.
她是独特的！
请把这个信息传递给你认识的女人， 有母亲，姐妹和特别的女性在他们生命里的人． but, also send this to men so they will understand about what a wonderful thing
a woman is.篇三：中英文幽默演讲 幽默演讲——调侃自己（中英对照） 演讲者如何调侃自己 创新句子：你们或者睡觉，或者不睡，只要不打呼噜，我就接着讲。 幽默注释：演讲者讲得太糟糕了，组织者哭得很伤心。 演讲结束时，宴会主人感谢你从繁忙的日程中抽出时间来——你泰然自若，优雅地点头
微笑着，心里非常清楚你日历上唯一的事情就是就早餐后喝点咖啡。 poise is when you finish your speech and the toastmaster thanks you for taking
time out of your busy schedule to be a part of their program --- and you nod and smile
graciously knowing full well that the only thing on your calendar is a little coffee
from breakfast. 幽默注释：一些老干部退休后没什么事干，有人请他参加一些活动，他还假装很忙，好
象推开了很多事才赶去似的。过去我演讲时常常会比较紧张，但那时我看到一条信息说如果你想象所有的观众都是裸
体会有所帮助。此时此刻，我站在这里想象着观众都是裸体，真的起作用，我不再紧张了，
但眼睛有些疲劳。
i used to get nervous when giving a speech but then i read that it helps to think
of the entire audience as being naked. and so, at this very moment, i’m standing up here imagining every one in this audience as being naked. and it really
works. i no suffer from nervousness. eyestrain. yes. 幽默注释：把观众想象成裸体，意思是我不怕你们，就不紧张了。创新句子：大部分人站在讲台上都会有点儿紧张，我属于少部分人，我非常紧张。 我本人不自负——我简直不能告诉你们我是多么钦佩我这一点。 personally, i have
never been conceited --- and i can’t tell you how much i admire myself for that.幽默句子：他因为自己不自负，所以变得非常骄傲。创新句子：我一点儿都不自负，我希望别人也这么看我。 我先用简单明了的英语演讲，以后我再翻译给律师听。 let me put this into plain english. i’ll translate it for the lawyers later.
幽默注释：律师总喜欢用复杂的语言，简单的话都听不懂了。 创新句子：我的讲话有三个版本，小学生版本，中学生版本，大学生版本，你是听小学
一年纪版的，还是小学二年纪版的？如果你听过这个故事，请不要打断我，我就知道这一个故事。
if you’ve already heard this story, please don’t stop me because it’s the only
one i know.
幽默注释：就是你知道两个故事，讲故事前也可以这么说。创新句子：我讲个笑话，如果你们听过，也希望装做没听过，我也这样照顾你们。 演讲就象给草坪浇水，如果有四分之一的水渗下去你就满意了。 making a speech is like watering a lawn. you’re satisfied if just a quarter of
it sinks in.
幽默注释：有人打呼噜，有人说话，都是正常的，有四分之一观众听就不错了。幽默句子：即兴演讲的开场白。创新句子：我不知道你们会不会喜欢我的演讲，我不知道我要讲点儿什么。 开始前我想告诉你们下面的演讲已经编辑成了电视节目，我现在少讲20分钟，我们能够
及时赶回家看2台的节目。before i begin, i want you to know that the following speech has been edited for
television. i cut 20 minutes out of it so we could all get home in time for the game
on channel 2. 幽默注释：放着现场不看，偏要回家在电视上看。 可能你们有些人知道我今晚出现在这里有两个原因：第一个原因是你们的计划委员会一
直在设法寻找一个聪明、有趣、老练的演讲者，——他们找到了。第二个原因是那个人病了，
所以就打电话把我找来了。
幽默注释：一开始好象在说自己很牛，其实就是个临时替场。 创新句子：我认为我演讲很风趣，可为什么没人笑呢？ 有人有舞台恐惧症，我没有；舞台不会怎么样我，是观众快把我吓死了！ some people
suffer from stage fright. i don’t. the stage doesn’t bother me at all. it’s the
audience that scares the hell out of me! 幽默注释：stage fright舞台恐惧症，而不是舞台吓唬我。我们每个人都希望能在某一时刻把时钟拨回去。如果我能够把时钟拨回去 at one time
or another, i think each of us has wished we could turn back the clock. i know if
i could turn back the clock just 45 minutes, i’d be the happiest person in this room.
because that’s when i left my speech on the kitchen table. 幽默注释：自己上台前
还在刻苦练习，演讲稿落家里了，讲错了希望观众包涵。我不想吹牛，但上次我演讲时所有的观众都站了起来，他们再也没有坐下，直到走到他
们的汽车那儿。i don’t want to brag, but the last time i did this it brought the audience to
its feet. and they never sat down again until they reached their cars. 幽默注释：观众听他演讲，都站起来走了，他还在吹牛呢。创新句子：我演讲时用一种平缓的语速娓娓道来，观众睡得很香甜。 如果我有点儿犹豫，你们一定要原谅我，这是我第一次饭后演讲——在卖当劳里冲我的
小孩儿喊叫除外。
if i’m a little hesitant, you’ll have to excuse me. this is the first after-dinner
speech i’ve ever made ---except for yelling at my kids in mcdonald’s. 幽默注释：
自嘲自己演讲没什么经验。 创新句子：你可能知道我已经养成了饭后演讲的习惯。 我不习惯面对这么多观众演讲，让我鼓起勇气的一件事情就是我在谈论我最喜欢的题目
——我。
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